bidding farewell to a couple of x-es.

**although delicate language is used, this post contains "girl issues." sensitive ones beware!**

goodbye, tampax. goodbye kotex!

it's been an-- interesting-- 20 year relationship, but i'm afraid i must bid you farewell. oh, i know, we've spent SO much time together, but it's simply time for me to move on.

it was a dysfunctional relationship from the start-- let's face it-- with me relying on you far more often than i should have had to. you must have felt so USED! regardless, that type of behavior went on for almost 11 years until i became pregnant with my son. our break-up that time was about 2 years, some of the best years of my life. i should have suspected something, huh? we tried again for a year, but alas, i was pregnant and nursing again. this second break-up lasted again for almost 2 years, and by this point i should have learned my lesson. i honestly never wanted to see you again.

the allure was strong, and we gave it a third shot in 2002. it's been 5 years now, guys, and my over-reliance on you has not changed, not matter how many methods i try to stop it. my patience hasn't worn thin, it has simply worn OUT. it's time for me to break up with you.

tomorrow morning i am going to the hospital to have removed the one thing that keeps us in a permanent state of togetherness-- my womb. yes, that's right. my dysfunction is at an end, and i will no longer need you as a crutch to get through the tough part of my month. don't worry, they're leaving my hormone factory intact, and they won't even make any exterior incisions! but i hope you understand that this will mean the end of the road for you and me.

and i'm honestly thrilled.

i'll find you a new home, guys-- there are millions of needy women out there just waiting to have a relationship with you! you'll be a really great partner for some lucky girl out there! just not me any more.

so thank you, and good bye forever.

melissa

finders keepers

way back in 1993, t and i were two fools in love and had decided that we would like to get married.

"do you want a ring?" he asked me.

ever the practical girl, i said, "no thanks," and the discussion was dropped. we'd get married sooner or later, and a pricey, formal engagement ring wasn't the important part. being together forever WAS. mind you, i wasn't quite 20 years old yet. waaaay too young, but i'm glad nobody tried to talk me out of it.

not too much later, we went to a renaissance faire near san bernadino, california. there were many wonderful vendors of renaissance-themed wares and delicious food, but it was when i saw the benitez jewelry booth that i stopped in my tracks. this was simply the most unique "formal" jewelry i had ever seen. usually i go in for the clunky or modern sterling jewelry with brightly colored stones. this work was an eclectic mix of my style and a more traditional style. i was smitten.

i called t over and said, "remember how i said i didn't want an engagement ring? well, can i change my mind?" he laughed and was agreeable to the idea and secretly i think he may have wanted a ring on my finger, whether or not it looked traditional. we browsed and talked, tried on rings and wavered. i just couldn't decide which ring would be THE one. the one i would wear for the rest of my life. the symbol of promise. hmmmm...

"do you make wedding sets?" t asked steve, one of the crafters. heanswered yes, and proceeded to show us many lovely sets, almost all with yellow gold and diamonds. not really my thing. we asked if he ever custom made wedding sets, and he said, "sure!"

the three of us looked at existing designs, and came up with one that would suit me. one that was white gold with an emerald (much like the photo-- that one is not mine) with two garnets-- t's birthstone-- as embellishment. a week or so later, we picked up the finished product, we drove to griffith observatory overlooking los angeles, and on the roof he officially proposed to me. guess what? i said yes.

fast forward to yesterday.

i couldn't find my watch and rings. i string them all together, and often unconsciously take them off and put them in odd places around the house. it never takes me long to find them, but yesterday i couldn't. not on the computer desk, not by the tv. not in my purse or makeup bag. not on the entertainment center. not ANYWHERE that they usually fall. i kept my cool, went without them all day (a weird feeling) but vowed to look harder today. i hadn't seen them since tuesday.

panic set in when we returned from dance, and my search of the familiar haunts turned up nothing. not even a clue. i asked the kids if they'd seen them but hey! they're kids! they can't even keep track of their own stuff. getting crabbier and crabbier, i went through scenarios of accidentally throwing them away, the kittens getting them and knocking them to the floor, i mean, the possibilities are endless in this house!

as i got more and more frantic, the anxiety of actually having possibly LOST my precious, one-of-a-kind wedding ring was getting unbearable. i had looked in sofas, under tables, on beds, in drawers. no luck. then the thought hit me... what's the most UNLIKELY place i may have put them? and luckily, i had my answer.

they were in my jewelry drawer.

go figure.

now you have yet another glimpse into the insanity that is my life and my mind. but i have MY RING! and i am so happy to have it back on my finger.

letter meme

the llllovely lllllotus assigned me this meme...

it's 10 things i love that start with the llllletter "T"

i had a cute little image to upload, but blogger photo upload was being sassy with me, so bland is the post. sorr-y! i'll make it short and sweet.

here goes...

1. tommy. well, duh. he is the love of my life and all.

2. talking. i can talk a blue streak to almost anyone, anywhere, anytime. after all, i am female.

3. travel. just got bitten by that bug a few years ago, and the itch keeps getting worse.

4. tannins. that's a sneaky way of saying wine. i love wine.

5. teaching. teaching the kids at school and home is so rewarding. and i love their teachers as well.

6. trees. one of the main reasons we live in the middle of nowhere is that from every window all i see is trees. perhaps that's why my favorite color has always been green.

7. toilet paper. i mean, what's not to love? all you have to do is imagine life without it, and suddenly you'll get stars in your eyes whenever you wipe.

8. tunes. my ipod is my best friend 'cause i can listen to all my favorite songs all the time. love music. love to sing.

9. thai food. curry! mmmmmm... 'nuff said.

10. turkey on thanksgiving. that's 2 t's for the price of one.

anybody that hasn't yet played, ask me and i'll assign you a letter.

a quick book meme

yes, lotus, i know i still need to meme on the letter "t." the list of things i love that start with a t is written on a day-glo orange post-it note crumpled in the right-hand pocket of my loud fuschia winter jacket. give me some more time!!

here's the meme, from crazy dust in my coffee: the page 123 meme:

This is how it works:
1. Find the nearest book.
2. Name the book & the author.
3. Turn to page 123.
4. Go to the fifth sentence on the page. Copy out the next three sentences and post to your blog.
5. Tag three more folks.

here goes!

the nearest book is "the queen of the south" by arturo perez-reverte (thanks to kate and mom).

the sentences on page 123 are as follows:

"to make herself heard above the roar of the engine and the wind, she held her mouth against his ear. santiago gave a futile look in that direction, lowering his eyes against the brightness of the spotlight from the helicopter, which was still right on their tail, and then he turned the radar screen toward him, to see for himself. the sinuous green line of the coast was drawn uncomfortably close with each sweep of the antenna- about three hundred yards to port."

now i suppose i'll have to read this book next to find out what the heck santiago was doing on that boat. sigh. first i'll have to finish "the historian" by elizabeth kostova... a nicely written academic mystery thriller about DRACULA! bwah hah hah!

and, as always, i'll tag anyone that feels like playing along.

the more things change...

the more they stay the same!! me, circa 1980, with my nose buried in a book. some of my relatives thought that something was "wrong" with me because i was constantly reading. it's just NOT NORMAL!

i've been perusing and scanning old photos while it snows outside and the kids enjoy their little break from the ordinary. it's loads of fun, and is taking me on several trips down memory lane.

we'll be back monday night!

it WORKED!!

we found snow.

we got to indiana on saturday, no snow. drove to michigan sunday, a wee bit of snow. woke up on monday morning to a winter wonderland that shows no signs of stopping. i have't been this excited to see snow since i was a kid. the children are thrilled, and were out the door before 8 am yesterday... making snow angels, building snowmen, sledding down the driveway, and tromping along the beach.

they were out for more than 2 hours, then came in to a steaming cup of hot cocoa with two big marshmallows each.

i'll get them (and maybe myself, too) bundled up for another day of fun in the 18 degree weather in a little bit here. hope the weather is fun wherever you are, too!

WAHOO!

the pursuit of snow

it's been almost 3 years since it has snowed here in our part of north carolina.

understandably, since the theme of snow is so prevalent on holiday decorations, my kids have a mythology in their heads regarding the stuff that they haven't seen since they were 5 and 2 years old respectively! they, like all good southern children, couldn't understand the frigid mess that is winter and snow and ice and all the resulting issues that ensue.

i had considered finding a ski resort in the appalachians which are only hours from here, but even then you aren't guaranteed snow (unless it's the snow-blowing machine kind) and the prices are atrocious. also, i don't think either of my kids would enjoy skiing, but maybe snow tubing would have been fun.

finally, i came up with the idea of taking a midwintwer break to go see grandma & papa in michigan... a far more financially feasible idea and if there's no snow even in michigan, oh well. at least we got to visit with family. and at least it was less than 70 degrees. so, i made a last minute decision, and the kids and i are headed to lake michigan (with two layovers in indianapolis to see other friends & family) tomorrow morning. we'll be gone for 9 days since the kids don't have school for much of the week we're gone anyway.

and... guess what? it looks like it's gonna snow there! finally my kids can discover the delight of 5 minutes in the snow... rolling snowballs, making snowmen, laying down to create snow angels... and then promptly want to come back inside where it's warm. the myth will be shattered. and i will be happy.

i probably won't post or comment much in the next week, but that doesn't mean i'm not thinking of y'all! happy winter!

r.p.e.

r.p.e. stands for "rapid palate expander" and h had one of these monstrosities cemented into his mouth today. although i accept that early intervention in an orthodontic sense can lead to greater orthodontic health in the future, it's still hard to watch my little guy suffer as i did with a mess of metal in his mouth.

the goal of the rpe is to create a wider palate, and thus more space in the jaw for teeth and tongue, and to encourage a better bite. h's mouth and jaw are tiny like his mama's, and his teeth are huge (also like his mama's) so there is a discrepancy that hopefully the rpe will address.

i have such mixed feelings about orthodontia! at the same time as i love it, i loathe it. i would be just about the ugliest girl on earth if it weren't for braces, headgear, retainers... the whole 9 yards, but i'm pretty sure it was all overdone in my case. by the end of my orthodontic history (not even 2 years ago) i had braces 5 times, headgear, retainers, bite splints, and both jaws cracked open and reset with metal plates and screws. i simply will not allow either of my kids to feel as violated as i did.

however, i think that my history has prepared me much better to care for and protect my children in this area. we are using the final orthodontist that i used (for my braces 2 yrs ago) and i trust him completely. he knows to expect 5,000 questions from me at every juncture, and is ready and willing to explain the ins and outs, the wheres and whys, the hows and whats. every argument i've been satisfied with, so we're starting our adventure with h.

the cost is astronomical, but the worst part is watching my boy cry at dinnertime because he couldn't swallow. he sobbed and drooled, proclaiming that he'd never again be able to eat. and he was hungry!! we tried several different food items, and by the end he was getting good at swallowing with large hooks pressing into his tongue. he can't talk properly, and to top the whole day off, we discovered that he is inexplicably missing a few of his second (adult) molars. they are just not there. at this point, i'm wondering if that's a GOOD thing so that he won't end up like me... having adult teeth pulled to make room. on the other hand, i'm wondering "DID I NOT DRINK ENOUGH MILK WHEN I WAS PREGNANT?!"

ah, well. it's been an emotional day. i'm beat. until next time, y'all...

happy birthday to t

s's birthday portrait of her father (looking remarkably like jesus christ).

yesterday was t's birthday #34, and i may have posted about it yesterday, but we were too busy having fun. isn't that great? when you're too busy having a good time to sit at the computer and ponder having fun?

we went to the bookstore first where he got a book he needed for work. we got a nice lunch at the mall, then ran a few more errands before picking up cake & ice cream at the grocery store for later. it was nice to just be together & talk & hold hands... all that lovely romantic stuff. got home in time to get the kids off the bus.

we celebrated at night with t's favorite birthday cake-- carrot cake-- and ice cream. the kids wanted a small white cake as well, so we put 3 candles in one cake, and 4 in the other (as in 3-4, get it?). s said, "does that mean that daddy is 7 years old?!"

happy birthday to my love, and many many more.

the struggle for good over evil

the struggle was in vain, mom & dad.

the evil me won the contest. but as a concession, if you scroll to the bottom of the front page of the blog, there is a HUGE happy me. i don't know why it posted so huge, but it's so large that it looks like a monument to my ego. which it's not.

but the blogger id photo stays the same until i can come up with something snarky yet somehow pretty at the same time. my apologies, and i hope that i am still welcome in your home. am i still welcome in your home?

on another note, thanks for voting y'all. you're the best, and also very honest. the vote helped to confirm what i hoped i already knew... the evil me wins in the end.

mistaken identity

my lovely, wonderful parents, the very people who gave me life and raised me to be the adult i became, have a very serious problem. a very, very serious problem. THEY DON'T LIKE MY BLOGGER ID PHOTO. they don't like it at all. every time i see them, they ask, "when will you change that terrible, mean photo of yourself on your blog? you're so much PRETTIER than that!"

now, keep in mind that they ARE my parents, and to them, i'm probably the prettiest girl alive because, duh! they're biased! just like the rest of us are when it comes to our own children. but let's face facts. i am who i am, and i think the mean ol' photo of me expresses a level of my personality that a pleasant ol' photo maybe never could. but i'll put it to the test!

here are two photos... the first being a pleasant alternative, and the second being my original fauxhawked evil twin. for now, there will be no more alternatives because i don't feel like expending the energy it would take to dress up in a zillion stupid ways and post crazy pictures of myself in strange getups and odd situations, even though that may cause much hilarity.

the deal is, YOU GET TO VOTE. in the comments section, write which one YOU think i should have as a blog id photo, and whichever one wins, i will have. that way, i've given my readers an alternative, and my poor parents a chance, and may the best (or worst) photo win.

ps. mom & dad, if you leave a bunch of anonymous comments voting for the "nice" photo, i'll know it's you. no cheating.

option A: pleasant melissa

option B: EVIL TWIN!

tedium, tedium

yesterday afternoon, i helped h put together his lego bionicle playset. that is, if by "helped" you mean "put the whole thing together while child and kittens fiddled with the plastic bits." have ANY of you taken on a large scale lego project in your lives? it is eye-straining, back-spasming tedium. i've put together piles and piles of the actual bionicle robots, they're very easy and very playable once they're built. you can even take them apart and interchange the parts into your own cool new robot creation! wow. but this playset, this was a whole different story. there were about 15 little plastic baggies in the set, each filled with a few hundred shiny, colorful lego building blocks in diffrent sizes and shapes. what they don't tell you on the exterior of the package is that THERE IS ONLY ONE OF THE PIECE YOU NEED, and that YOU HAVE TO FIND IT AMONG THE 20,000 OTHER PIECES.

oh, honestly. h was trying to help me find the appropriate piece per the instructions, if by "trying" you mean messing around with the kittens. usually i could find what i needed, but occasionally it would take 10 minutes to locate the small, flat, red, square, four-nubbed piece necessary to build the ENTIRE rest of the structure. one time, i asked h to go upstairs and get his basic box of legos so i could substitute an unfound piece, and he said, "i'm too sick!" my reply? "then i'm too sick to build the rest of this castle!" (i'm not normally so snotty, but this was after at least 3 hours of legoing. my patience was running thin.) he slunk off the chair and plodded, head down, toward the stairs when i shouted, "FOUND IT!" boy, was he relieved not to put in the effort of 14 stairsteps.

the end result was... i would use the word "breathtaking..." but it was really just underwhelming. all that work? all those itty bitty pieces? for THIS?! h enjoyed playing with the built set until it slowly began to fall apart from playing with it. that's right, folks, FALL APART. from PLAYING. with a TOY. then orion knocked over the towers. then it was bedtime.

it's still on the kitchen table today, and my question is, what to do with it? i can semi-dismantle it and place it in a box, but will it ever again be rebuilt? will it get played with in a semi-built mode? will it crumble into it's original state of a zillion pieces disconnected? but most importantly... what was the point?

christmas morning

i'm a little late posting the christmas morning photos, mostly because i'm overwhelmed with mess! also, blogger was being testy, then s got pneumonia. i am SO SICK of the doctor's office, i can't even tell you. and i didn't even blog about t's trip there last week which darn near resulted in one-way ambulance trip to the hospital. hopefully everyone is really, truly, FINALLY on the road to recovery (except me, i'm fine).

christmas photos never look so great, but it's the nostalgia that keeps me taking them year after year. luckily, only the back of my head made it into a few photos. photo avoidance is critical.

here is my sweet boy on christmas morning, perusing the gi joe sigma 6 toy he got from grandma & papa. his gift from santa was a razor scooter (faintly visible behind his head), but he got loads of books and action figures, too.
above: i'm just surveying the mess from on high...

girlfriend was ecstatic over diego's animal rescue center. a little babyish for her, but she has a crush on diego. not to mention that she loves animals.

santa brought her the blonde american girl doll; the dark haired one (samantha) is mine. ALL MINE! AND I'M NOT SHARING! no, really. s wanted all the native american accoutrements for the doll, but wanted the doll to have blonde hair and blue eyes like her. no problem. we did extensive research for an appropriate name, and dubbed the doll "kaliska" which means 'coyote hunting deer' in miwok. clever!

altogether we had fun. i got nice new clothes, and t got an xbox 360. but christmas isn't so much about us adults now, is it?

hope yours was fun, too.

christmas pictures

these are the photos i intended to intesperse with the perfectly pc holiday greeting below as an ironic contradiction. it was good in theory, but a blogger reality prevented it.

my babies on santa's lap... have you heard the terrible song "i farted on santa's lap"? well, that's all i can think of when i see this photo. sigh.

s is JUST learning to write, and worked VERY HARD on this drawing. the bag in her hand is a dog carrier with a dog in it.

she wore this outfit to several holiday events... the nose blinked on and off. my littlest reindeer!

again, merry christmas and happy holidays.

Hello Melissa: Holiday Edition

hey all! i've been trying for 2 days to upload cheerful holiday photos... obviously unsuccessfully... to add to this greeting. no, i did not write it, but found it very funny. my best to you all and your families!

"Best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most joyous traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, but with respect for the religious persuasion of others who choose to practice their own religion as well as those who choose not to practice a religion at all."

"Additionally, a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the generally accepted calendar year 2007, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions have helped make our society great, without regard to the race, creed, color, religious, or sexual preferences of the wishes."

"(Disclaimer: This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others and no responsibility for any unintended emotional stress these greetings may bring to those not caught up in the holiday spirit.)"