**although delicate language is used, this post contains "girl issues." sensitive ones beware!**
goodbye, tampax. goodbye kotex!
it's been an-- interesting-- 20 year relationship, but i'm afraid i must bid you farewell. oh, i know, we've spent SO much time together, but it's simply time for me to move on.
it was a dysfunctional relationship from the start-- let's face it-- with me relying on you far more often than i should have had to. you must have felt so USED! regardless, that type of behavior went on for almost 11 years until i became pregnant with my son. our break-up that time was about 2 years, some of the best years of my life. i should have suspected something, huh? we tried again for a year, but alas, i was pregnant and nursing again. this second break-up lasted again for almost 2 years, and by this point i should have learned my lesson. i honestly never wanted to see you again.
the allure was strong, and we gave it a third shot in 2002. it's been 5 years now, guys, and my over-reliance on you has not changed, not matter how many methods i try to stop it. my patience hasn't worn thin, it has simply worn OUT. it's time for me to break up with you.
tomorrow morning i am going to the hospital to have removed the one thing that keeps us in a permanent state of togetherness-- my womb. yes, that's right. my dysfunction is at an end, and i will no longer need you as a crutch to get through the tough part of my month. don't worry, they're leaving my hormone factory intact, and they won't even make any exterior incisions! but i hope you understand that this will mean the end of the road for you and me.
and i'm honestly thrilled.
i'll find you a new home, guys-- there are millions of needy women out there just waiting to have a relationship with you! you'll be a really great partner for some lucky girl out there! just not me any more.
so thank you, and good bye forever.