i hate-y bugs

Ladybird, ladybird, fly away home. No, really.

Ladybugs. Innocuous, sweet ladybugs. These little beetles, known as coccilinidae have become a sort of symbol of everything that is cute in the natural world. They’re small! They’re shiny. They’re bright RED! They have adorable little polka dots! Everywhere you look, you see ladybugs adorning products. Products ranging from bed wear to bath gear, from stationery to rain boots. Everyone seems to just love ladybugs! I used to love ladybugs! I mean, what’s NOT to love about ladybugs? Even the wikipedia states that, “Because they are useful, colourful, and harmless to humans, coccinellids are typically considered cute even by people who hate most insects. Some people consider seeing them or having them land on one's body to be a sign of good luck to come, and that killing them presages bad luck.”

I’ll tell you what’s not to love.

The fact that they are helpful to humans is what’s not to love. Here’s the deal: ladybugs are natural insectivores and will consume nasty pests like aphids and fruit flies that may cause damage to crops. Thus, each year in the mountains of western north Carolina, usually in October or November, the great state of north Carolina releases oh, maybe about seventy five gazillion ladybugs to defeat any damagey pest that may come their way. And then, as the weather grows colder in the mountains, they slowly fly their little wings westward towards-- who else?-- ME!

i'll tell you what happens then. the little things creep into every crevice of our home, wheedling their way it to even the tightest cracks. those "cute little ladybugs-- by the HUNDREDS-- swarm the air, clog the windows and INFEST the whole place. mostly in sunny rooms with windows, they leave slimy brown trails of muck on white ceilings and woodwork. they congregate in ceilings where they proceed to die, dropping onto the floor where you might step on them, or EVEN BETTER into your DRINK without you noticing. then, if you take a sip, you'll find out that ladybugs TASTE much like they SMELL. a rotten, sawdusty type nastiness that haunts us several months of the year.

what's even better about these little-- BUGGERS-- is that if you're RWALLY lucky, they'll make an undetectable nest in your home so you can enjoy them ALL YEAR LONG!!! woo-wee! i can't even begin to tell you how many ladybugs i've swept, vaccuumed, picked, dumped and cursed at over the years. they're on the sills, in the dog water, in the tubs and toilets, on the mantel... you name it. they're invading us.

so, next time you see a cute, sweet, innocent little ladybug, think of me cursing them to bits instead. they're foul! i'm boycotting all those sweet little ladybug products by the way. it's time these marketers learned the evil truth.
a difficult- to- decipher photo of dead ladybugs on our bathroom windowsill