only in a small town

kids, it still hurts me a little to laugh hard, so imagine the agony i was in when i read the local paper this morning (thanks, beth!) and saw this:

oh, man! there is really NOTHING happening around here if they're willing to ADVERTISE this! and i love the way they trickily put it... "CLAY AIKEN's car." i was falling off the chair at this one. why on EARTH would you round up the kids for a fun afternoon of looking at clay aiken's CAR? anybody wanna come visit me so we can go look at clay aiken's car together?! what a rich cultural experience that would be!

especially if you read and/or believe the tabloid headlines or what perez hilton says about clay's escapades. who knows what might be lurking in the back seat? sigh.

retired at 8

no, the post title does not refer to my bedtime last night. i stayed up until 10, but couldn't make it through "battlestar galactica." we tivo-ed it, so i'll try and watch it tonight.

the title refers to our son, who at 8 yesterday announced to us that he is retiring. we gave the matter a serious face and grave response to his face, but after he had turned his back we hid our smiles behind our hands and chortled, "retired!"

let me 'splain. no, it would take to long. let me sum up (that was an obscure reference to 'the princess bride' in case any of you caught it). around thanksgiving, h thought up a heroic new character that he called "x". he briefly considered making a film about x, or writing a screenplay or novel about x, but since he already has other characters in development in those genres, this time he chose to tell the story through a comic book. he proceeded to get a piece of construction paper and several pieces of white paper, folded them in half and stapled them down the spine, and the series of "x and crabby" was born. kindly, he gave his sister credit on every single book as a co-creator, although she had nothing to do with any of them. if she did, the comic would surely have contained more dogs and wolves than it currently does.

i need to tell you that h is really an idea man. his ideas are grandiose, and he needs to execute them quickly lest he forget them before they make it onto the paper. thus, detail and execution are often lost in the process of his creativity. maybe someday i'll convince him to treat his ideas as "sketches" so he could more fully flesh them out later, with more attention to coherence and detail. for now, i wish he would include a brief synopsis at the beginning of each issue so i might have the slightest idea where the story is headed!

anyway, he's been hard at work on these comics-- sporadically-- ever since. above is an example of a page from issue #2: "say cheese and be happy, pappy!" just so you'll have an idea of what's going on around here. yesterday, he sat at the kitchen table... diligently scribbling away on "x and crabby #11: the master." upon completion, he placed it on the shelf among the other issues, and announced his retirement. oh, not to worry. he's just moving on to other projects now... and maybe someday he'll return once again in "x and crabby series 2." come out of retirement, if you will.

after all, he's only 8.

in-VAL-id IN-va-lid

in a cruel twist of the english language, the word invalid, a noun meaning one who is incapacitated by a chronic illness or disability is the exact same word as invalid, an adjective meaning not legally or factually valid; null. how fair is that?

i don't make a very good invalid, i guess that makes me an invalid invalid. i've recovered so quickly that my only real complaint at this point is fatigue. i haven't taken pain meds in DAYS, i i've gotten up and gotten the kids ready for school every day this week, and have provided a rudimentary and simple dinner for my family each night. i've done laundry and done light cleaning, and even managed a short trip to walmart. needed a nap after that one!

but also as an invalid i feel somewhat invalid. lame, useless. i don't like to be told what i can't do, and i don't like NOT being able to perform tasks. part of it is doctor ordered things such as "no heavy lifting." part of it is things i don't have the stamina for, like walking the dog her usual mile a day. other things are stressful things like adding up tax deductions that i simply can't afford to wear me down at the moment. i'm not used to this feeling of uselessness, and always have this bull-headed charge ahead attitude, so this is KILLING me!

every day gets a bit easier, a bit better, but don't expect any triathlons soon. for that matter, don't expect any triathlons at all! now THAT just doesn't sound like fun to me. thinking about a triathlon makes me almost glad to be an invalid invalid.

home again!

hey- yo!

i want to tell everyone i'm home from the hospital, and honestly doing really well. for major abdominal surgery, that was a piece of cake. i remember waking up in the recovery room and grinning... it's all over!

even the hospital stay was fine. the bed was unbelievably comfortable, so i snoozed fitfully as i needed. my pain is well under control, and i am moving around as much as i feel able.

thanks to everyone who came by here and wished me well, it honestly meant so much. sounds like most of you would gladly go through this for the chance to be "free" too! i am positively liberated... not only from those x-es (tampax and kotex) but from my uterus and it's problems, too. and susan, just a couple of weeks ago i read that they were doing the very first womb transplant surgery! however, i'm not sure anybody would have wanted mine. not that it wasn't good for the baby process, just not the rest of it. what i was offering up in my post (anybody interested??) are all those feminine hygiene products!! anybody want them? anybody?! they're freeeeeeee!

bidding farewell to a couple of x-es.

**although delicate language is used, this post contains "girl issues." sensitive ones beware!**

goodbye, tampax. goodbye kotex!

it's been an-- interesting-- 20 year relationship, but i'm afraid i must bid you farewell. oh, i know, we've spent SO much time together, but it's simply time for me to move on.

it was a dysfunctional relationship from the start-- let's face it-- with me relying on you far more often than i should have had to. you must have felt so USED! regardless, that type of behavior went on for almost 11 years until i became pregnant with my son. our break-up that time was about 2 years, some of the best years of my life. i should have suspected something, huh? we tried again for a year, but alas, i was pregnant and nursing again. this second break-up lasted again for almost 2 years, and by this point i should have learned my lesson. i honestly never wanted to see you again.

the allure was strong, and we gave it a third shot in 2002. it's been 5 years now, guys, and my over-reliance on you has not changed, not matter how many methods i try to stop it. my patience hasn't worn thin, it has simply worn OUT. it's time for me to break up with you.

tomorrow morning i am going to the hospital to have removed the one thing that keeps us in a permanent state of togetherness-- my womb. yes, that's right. my dysfunction is at an end, and i will no longer need you as a crutch to get through the tough part of my month. don't worry, they're leaving my hormone factory intact, and they won't even make any exterior incisions! but i hope you understand that this will mean the end of the road for you and me.

and i'm honestly thrilled.

i'll find you a new home, guys-- there are millions of needy women out there just waiting to have a relationship with you! you'll be a really great partner for some lucky girl out there! just not me any more.

so thank you, and good bye forever.

melissa

finders keepers

way back in 1993, t and i were two fools in love and had decided that we would like to get married.

"do you want a ring?" he asked me.

ever the practical girl, i said, "no thanks," and the discussion was dropped. we'd get married sooner or later, and a pricey, formal engagement ring wasn't the important part. being together forever WAS. mind you, i wasn't quite 20 years old yet. waaaay too young, but i'm glad nobody tried to talk me out of it.

not too much later, we went to a renaissance faire near san bernadino, california. there were many wonderful vendors of renaissance-themed wares and delicious food, but it was when i saw the benitez jewelry booth that i stopped in my tracks. this was simply the most unique "formal" jewelry i had ever seen. usually i go in for the clunky or modern sterling jewelry with brightly colored stones. this work was an eclectic mix of my style and a more traditional style. i was smitten.

i called t over and said, "remember how i said i didn't want an engagement ring? well, can i change my mind?" he laughed and was agreeable to the idea and secretly i think he may have wanted a ring on my finger, whether or not it looked traditional. we browsed and talked, tried on rings and wavered. i just couldn't decide which ring would be THE one. the one i would wear for the rest of my life. the symbol of promise. hmmmm...

"do you make wedding sets?" t asked steve, one of the crafters. heanswered yes, and proceeded to show us many lovely sets, almost all with yellow gold and diamonds. not really my thing. we asked if he ever custom made wedding sets, and he said, "sure!"

the three of us looked at existing designs, and came up with one that would suit me. one that was white gold with an emerald (much like the photo-- that one is not mine) with two garnets-- t's birthstone-- as embellishment. a week or so later, we picked up the finished product, we drove to griffith observatory overlooking los angeles, and on the roof he officially proposed to me. guess what? i said yes.

fast forward to yesterday.

i couldn't find my watch and rings. i string them all together, and often unconsciously take them off and put them in odd places around the house. it never takes me long to find them, but yesterday i couldn't. not on the computer desk, not by the tv. not in my purse or makeup bag. not on the entertainment center. not ANYWHERE that they usually fall. i kept my cool, went without them all day (a weird feeling) but vowed to look harder today. i hadn't seen them since tuesday.

panic set in when we returned from dance, and my search of the familiar haunts turned up nothing. not even a clue. i asked the kids if they'd seen them but hey! they're kids! they can't even keep track of their own stuff. getting crabbier and crabbier, i went through scenarios of accidentally throwing them away, the kittens getting them and knocking them to the floor, i mean, the possibilities are endless in this house!

as i got more and more frantic, the anxiety of actually having possibly LOST my precious, one-of-a-kind wedding ring was getting unbearable. i had looked in sofas, under tables, on beds, in drawers. no luck. then the thought hit me... what's the most UNLIKELY place i may have put them? and luckily, i had my answer.

they were in my jewelry drawer.

go figure.

now you have yet another glimpse into the insanity that is my life and my mind. but i have MY RING! and i am so happy to have it back on my finger.

letter meme

the llllovely lllllotus assigned me this meme...

it's 10 things i love that start with the llllletter "T"

i had a cute little image to upload, but blogger photo upload was being sassy with me, so bland is the post. sorr-y! i'll make it short and sweet.

here goes...

1. tommy. well, duh. he is the love of my life and all.

2. talking. i can talk a blue streak to almost anyone, anywhere, anytime. after all, i am female.

3. travel. just got bitten by that bug a few years ago, and the itch keeps getting worse.

4. tannins. that's a sneaky way of saying wine. i love wine.

5. teaching. teaching the kids at school and home is so rewarding. and i love their teachers as well.

6. trees. one of the main reasons we live in the middle of nowhere is that from every window all i see is trees. perhaps that's why my favorite color has always been green.

7. toilet paper. i mean, what's not to love? all you have to do is imagine life without it, and suddenly you'll get stars in your eyes whenever you wipe.

8. tunes. my ipod is my best friend 'cause i can listen to all my favorite songs all the time. love music. love to sing.

9. thai food. curry! mmmmmm... 'nuff said.

10. turkey on thanksgiving. that's 2 t's for the price of one.

anybody that hasn't yet played, ask me and i'll assign you a letter.

a quick book meme

yes, lotus, i know i still need to meme on the letter "t." the list of things i love that start with a t is written on a day-glo orange post-it note crumpled in the right-hand pocket of my loud fuschia winter jacket. give me some more time!!

here's the meme, from crazy dust in my coffee: the page 123 meme:

This is how it works:
1. Find the nearest book.
2. Name the book & the author.
3. Turn to page 123.
4. Go to the fifth sentence on the page. Copy out the next three sentences and post to your blog.
5. Tag three more folks.

here goes!

the nearest book is "the queen of the south" by arturo perez-reverte (thanks to kate and mom).

the sentences on page 123 are as follows:

"to make herself heard above the roar of the engine and the wind, she held her mouth against his ear. santiago gave a futile look in that direction, lowering his eyes against the brightness of the spotlight from the helicopter, which was still right on their tail, and then he turned the radar screen toward him, to see for himself. the sinuous green line of the coast was drawn uncomfortably close with each sweep of the antenna- about three hundred yards to port."

now i suppose i'll have to read this book next to find out what the heck santiago was doing on that boat. sigh. first i'll have to finish "the historian" by elizabeth kostova... a nicely written academic mystery thriller about DRACULA! bwah hah hah!

and, as always, i'll tag anyone that feels like playing along.

the more things change...

the more they stay the same!! me, circa 1980, with my nose buried in a book. some of my relatives thought that something was "wrong" with me because i was constantly reading. it's just NOT NORMAL!

i've been perusing and scanning old photos while it snows outside and the kids enjoy their little break from the ordinary. it's loads of fun, and is taking me on several trips down memory lane.

we'll be back monday night!

it WORKED!!

we found snow.

we got to indiana on saturday, no snow. drove to michigan sunday, a wee bit of snow. woke up on monday morning to a winter wonderland that shows no signs of stopping. i have't been this excited to see snow since i was a kid. the children are thrilled, and were out the door before 8 am yesterday... making snow angels, building snowmen, sledding down the driveway, and tromping along the beach.

they were out for more than 2 hours, then came in to a steaming cup of hot cocoa with two big marshmallows each.

i'll get them (and maybe myself, too) bundled up for another day of fun in the 18 degree weather in a little bit here. hope the weather is fun wherever you are, too!

WAHOO!

the pursuit of snow

it's been almost 3 years since it has snowed here in our part of north carolina.

understandably, since the theme of snow is so prevalent on holiday decorations, my kids have a mythology in their heads regarding the stuff that they haven't seen since they were 5 and 2 years old respectively! they, like all good southern children, couldn't understand the frigid mess that is winter and snow and ice and all the resulting issues that ensue.

i had considered finding a ski resort in the appalachians which are only hours from here, but even then you aren't guaranteed snow (unless it's the snow-blowing machine kind) and the prices are atrocious. also, i don't think either of my kids would enjoy skiing, but maybe snow tubing would have been fun.

finally, i came up with the idea of taking a midwintwer break to go see grandma & papa in michigan... a far more financially feasible idea and if there's no snow even in michigan, oh well. at least we got to visit with family. and at least it was less than 70 degrees. so, i made a last minute decision, and the kids and i are headed to lake michigan (with two layovers in indianapolis to see other friends & family) tomorrow morning. we'll be gone for 9 days since the kids don't have school for much of the week we're gone anyway.

and... guess what? it looks like it's gonna snow there! finally my kids can discover the delight of 5 minutes in the snow... rolling snowballs, making snowmen, laying down to create snow angels... and then promptly want to come back inside where it's warm. the myth will be shattered. and i will be happy.

i probably won't post or comment much in the next week, but that doesn't mean i'm not thinking of y'all! happy winter!

r.p.e.

r.p.e. stands for "rapid palate expander" and h had one of these monstrosities cemented into his mouth today. although i accept that early intervention in an orthodontic sense can lead to greater orthodontic health in the future, it's still hard to watch my little guy suffer as i did with a mess of metal in his mouth.

the goal of the rpe is to create a wider palate, and thus more space in the jaw for teeth and tongue, and to encourage a better bite. h's mouth and jaw are tiny like his mama's, and his teeth are huge (also like his mama's) so there is a discrepancy that hopefully the rpe will address.

i have such mixed feelings about orthodontia! at the same time as i love it, i loathe it. i would be just about the ugliest girl on earth if it weren't for braces, headgear, retainers... the whole 9 yards, but i'm pretty sure it was all overdone in my case. by the end of my orthodontic history (not even 2 years ago) i had braces 5 times, headgear, retainers, bite splints, and both jaws cracked open and reset with metal plates and screws. i simply will not allow either of my kids to feel as violated as i did.

however, i think that my history has prepared me much better to care for and protect my children in this area. we are using the final orthodontist that i used (for my braces 2 yrs ago) and i trust him completely. he knows to expect 5,000 questions from me at every juncture, and is ready and willing to explain the ins and outs, the wheres and whys, the hows and whats. every argument i've been satisfied with, so we're starting our adventure with h.

the cost is astronomical, but the worst part is watching my boy cry at dinnertime because he couldn't swallow. he sobbed and drooled, proclaiming that he'd never again be able to eat. and he was hungry!! we tried several different food items, and by the end he was getting good at swallowing with large hooks pressing into his tongue. he can't talk properly, and to top the whole day off, we discovered that he is inexplicably missing a few of his second (adult) molars. they are just not there. at this point, i'm wondering if that's a GOOD thing so that he won't end up like me... having adult teeth pulled to make room. on the other hand, i'm wondering "DID I NOT DRINK ENOUGH MILK WHEN I WAS PREGNANT?!"

ah, well. it's been an emotional day. i'm beat. until next time, y'all...

happy birthday to t

s's birthday portrait of her father (looking remarkably like jesus christ).

yesterday was t's birthday #34, and i may have posted about it yesterday, but we were too busy having fun. isn't that great? when you're too busy having a good time to sit at the computer and ponder having fun?

we went to the bookstore first where he got a book he needed for work. we got a nice lunch at the mall, then ran a few more errands before picking up cake & ice cream at the grocery store for later. it was nice to just be together & talk & hold hands... all that lovely romantic stuff. got home in time to get the kids off the bus.

we celebrated at night with t's favorite birthday cake-- carrot cake-- and ice cream. the kids wanted a small white cake as well, so we put 3 candles in one cake, and 4 in the other (as in 3-4, get it?). s said, "does that mean that daddy is 7 years old?!"

happy birthday to my love, and many many more.

the struggle for good over evil

the struggle was in vain, mom & dad.

the evil me won the contest. but as a concession, if you scroll to the bottom of the front page of the blog, there is a HUGE happy me. i don't know why it posted so huge, but it's so large that it looks like a monument to my ego. which it's not.

but the blogger id photo stays the same until i can come up with something snarky yet somehow pretty at the same time. my apologies, and i hope that i am still welcome in your home. am i still welcome in your home?

on another note, thanks for voting y'all. you're the best, and also very honest. the vote helped to confirm what i hoped i already knew... the evil me wins in the end.

mistaken identity

my lovely, wonderful parents, the very people who gave me life and raised me to be the adult i became, have a very serious problem. a very, very serious problem. THEY DON'T LIKE MY BLOGGER ID PHOTO. they don't like it at all. every time i see them, they ask, "when will you change that terrible, mean photo of yourself on your blog? you're so much PRETTIER than that!"

now, keep in mind that they ARE my parents, and to them, i'm probably the prettiest girl alive because, duh! they're biased! just like the rest of us are when it comes to our own children. but let's face facts. i am who i am, and i think the mean ol' photo of me expresses a level of my personality that a pleasant ol' photo maybe never could. but i'll put it to the test!

here are two photos... the first being a pleasant alternative, and the second being my original fauxhawked evil twin. for now, there will be no more alternatives because i don't feel like expending the energy it would take to dress up in a zillion stupid ways and post crazy pictures of myself in strange getups and odd situations, even though that may cause much hilarity.

the deal is, YOU GET TO VOTE. in the comments section, write which one YOU think i should have as a blog id photo, and whichever one wins, i will have. that way, i've given my readers an alternative, and my poor parents a chance, and may the best (or worst) photo win.

ps. mom & dad, if you leave a bunch of anonymous comments voting for the "nice" photo, i'll know it's you. no cheating.

option A: pleasant melissa

option B: EVIL TWIN!